But the most vulnerable people of all are drug addicts, and understanding that is a critical aspect of drug rehabilitation. Miller was at a place in his life where he was ready to get better mentally, and wanted to get better, but wasn’t looking for anyone’s help along the way. But in retrospect of the rapper’s passing, they carry weight. “Self Care” is the biggest allusion to this void, where the rapper makes reference to Oblivion, an overall negative state of being and how he had “all the time in the world” so “for now just chillin” in Oblivion.ĭuring my initial listen to the album, the impact and severity of these lyrics missed me. This feeling of being stuck in a void is resonant throughout the album. Miller sits against what looks like an elevator door with a small view of a blue, cloudy sky, surrounded on both sides by a void of white. From a completely visual perspective, the artwork to “Swimming” is very isolated. He relished in being a lone wolf, and tackling his demons alone.
“Swimming” is no exception, but the concept of isolation is a new, central theme that Mac was aware of, but didn’t see a need to overcome. Miller acknowledging his battle with addiction is nothing new, and for as long as he’s been referencing substance abuse, he’s been referencing his heavy dependency on it. He says, “Like 25 years I’ve been high, no less” on “Jet Fuel”, and he’s barely exaggerating. “Trust is a problem, never knew how” Mac croons on “Wings”, with plenty of drugs to aid him in search of enlightenment. But another theme in “Swimming” is that Miller was living in self-imposed isolation, having decided he didn’t want any help and that he didn’t need any help in order to progress in life. The rapper was undergoing the task of trying to “improve himself”, a theme he reiterates through the album. Where I once saw Mac Miller standing tall as a lone wolf, I now see the reality that he was shrinking away from society when he needed help the most. But ultimately, he couldn’t keep swimming. That he could keep his head above the water. And what I found was that where I once saw hopeful optimism for the future, I now see a drug-addicts reassurance that everything would be alright. To test this, I’ve dove back into his last studio album, “Swimming”. Mostly because it was a blaring signifier that I won’t be able to listen to Mac’s music in the same way I did before he died. So, as you might expect, I have mixed feelings about Mac Miller’s Celebration of life concert.
On September 7th, 2018, Mac Miller passed from an overdose of Fentanyl and Cocaine. He died a year too soon, caught up in exactly what he always said would get him. The twisted irony is, he never did join the 27 club. But there was something about seeing Mac Miller’s face blown up on a screen as his lyrics rang back, referencing how he was “trying not to join the 27 club” from someone mixing his drugs with “the bullshit”. Some will look to this concert for closure. From Travis Scott to Earl Sweatshirt to Schoolboy Q, the billing was a hip-hop heads wet-dream, and you can get a sense of the scale at which the music industry is mourning. I can safely say it wasn’t the performances. I was watching a live-stream of the Mac Miller Celebration of Life concert being thrown by his closest friends in the industry, and I found myself disconnected.